Okay...I just finished reading a report that said the UK wants Internet porn to be opt-in only. That sounds terrific to me. But can you just imagine the Customer Service calls as people opt-in?
CUSTOMER SERVICE: British Internet Company. May I help you?
CUSTOMER: Yes. I'd like to order some porn.
CUSTOMER SERVICE: Your account number?
CUSTOMER SERVICE: Is this Mr. Billingsworth I'm speaking to?
CUSTOMER SERVICE:Could you verify your birthdate please?
CUSTOMER: July 1, 1966.
CUSTOMER SERVICE:Now, what kind of porn would you like?
CUSTOMER: The really dirty stuff.
CUSTOMER SERVICE: We've got XX, XXX and XXXX.
CUSTOMER: How much does it cost?
CUSTOMER SERVICE: XX is 49.95 British pounds per month. XXX is 149 British pounds per month. And XXXX is 1049 British pounds per month.
CUSTOMER: Gee...I don't know. What's the difference?
CUSTOMER SERVICE: XX provides access to dirty chat rooms. XXX provides access to dirty chat rooms, instant dirty messaging, and dirty pictures with black bars across the naughty bits.
CUSTOMER: And what about XXXX?
CUSTOMER SERVICE: That's dirty chat rooms, instant dirty messaging, dirty pictures without the black bars, dirty videos, and an invitation to the monthly orgy.
CUSTOMER: Wow! That sounds great. Are you offering trial discounts?
CUSTOMER SERVICE: No, sir. Shall I sign you up for the XXXX at 1049 pounds per month?
CUSTOMER: I'm on a tight budget. Maybe I'd better start with XXX first.
CUSTOMER SERVICE: Brilliant. Now, we offer a full selection of fetishes for just a few more pence a day. Are you interested in the foot fetish?
CUSTOMER: No...not feet. What else have you got?
CUSTOMER SERVICE: Breasts. We've got lots of breasts.
CUSTOMER: Ohh...I like them.
CUSTOMER SERVICE: With or without tattoos?
CUSTOMER SERVICE: Pierced?
CUSTOMER: Oh, no...thanks...
CUSTOMER SERVICE: Okay...that's one triple X for 149 pounds per month plus the boob fetish with no tattoos or piercings for just 9 pounds per month extra. Might I interest you in some terrific specials on our Pick-Your-Porn Packages? If you're an animal lover, we have the Caligula Collection, an exciting array of...