Monday, December 20, 2010

My X-rated blog. Don't read it if you blush.

Okay...I just finished reading a report that said the UK wants Internet porn to be opt-in only. That sounds terrific to me. But can you just imagine the Customer Service calls as people opt-in?

CUSTOMER SERVICE: British Internet Company. May I help you?
CUSTOMER: Yes. I'd like to order some porn.
CUSTOMER SERVICE: Your account number?
CUSTOMER: 1234567.
CUSTOMER SERVICE: Is this Mr. Billingsworth I'm speaking to?
CUSTOMER: Yes.
CUSTOMER SERVICE:Could you verify your birthdate please?
CUSTOMER: July 1, 1966.
CUSTOMER SERVICE:Now, what kind of porn would you like?
CUSTOMER: The really dirty stuff.
CUSTOMER SERVICE: We've got XX, XXX and XXXX.
CUSTOMER: How much does it cost?
CUSTOMER SERVICE: XX is 49.95 British pounds per month. XXX is 149 British pounds per month. And XXXX is 1049 British pounds per month.
CUSTOMER: Gee...I don't know. What's the difference?
CUSTOMER SERVICE: XX provides access to dirty chat rooms. XXX provides access to dirty chat rooms, instant dirty messaging, and dirty pictures with black bars across the naughty bits.
CUSTOMER: And what about XXXX?
CUSTOMER SERVICE: That's dirty chat rooms, instant dirty messaging, dirty pictures without the black bars, dirty videos, and an invitation to the monthly orgy.
CUSTOMER: Wow! That sounds great. Are you offering trial discounts?
CUSTOMER SERVICE: No, sir. Shall I sign you up for the XXXX at 1049 pounds per month?
CUSTOMER: I'm on a tight budget. Maybe I'd better start with XXX first.
CUSTOMER SERVICE: Brilliant. Now, we offer a full selection of fetishes for just a few more pence a day. Are you interested in the foot fetish?
CUSTOMER: No...not feet. What else have you got?
CUSTOMER SERVICE: Breasts. We've got lots of breasts.
CUSTOMER: Ohh...I like them.
CUSTOMER SERVICE: With or without tattoos?
CUSTOMER: Without.
CUSTOMER SERVICE: Pierced?
CUSTOMER: Oh, no...thanks...
CUSTOMER SERVICE: Okay...that's one triple X for 149 pounds per month plus the boob fetish with no tattoos or piercings for just 9 pounds per month extra. Might I interest you in some terrific specials on our Pick-Your-Porn Packages? If you're an animal lover, we have the Caligula Collection, an exciting array of...

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

This is funny but at the same time it takes the zip and the zing out of porn! Soon u will be able to order a kink video with your Old Navy sweat pants over the phone. Why bother!?? Craigo

Anonymous said...

Yeah...it takes the fun out of getting all dressed up to go to the Lion's Den Club!

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