Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Open Letter to Bob Sherman, CEO, Serta Mattress Company

Dear Mr. Sherman,

Yarnmarket prides itself in our commitment to the happiness of knitters and critters throughout the world. Because of our commitment, we are growing deeply concerned about the future of the Serta sheep. With the current economic situation, elections in both the U.S. and Canada, the price of gasoline, and the heart-breaking tragedy of Jennifer Anniston's love life, we are all under excruciating, unrelenting stress. But the comfort and quality of the Serta mattress (and perhaps the introduction of Simply Sleep by Tylenol), has made restful sleep now possible, while it has rendered your poor little sheep redundant. It's only a matter of time before they get their pink slips and all those little sheep are put out to pasture, so to speak.

What ever will become of them?

Rather than have the Serta Sheep join the growing ranks of the unemployed, we'd like to present you with an offer: Yarnmarket will provide jobs to the Serta sheep. We'll love them and feed them and give them nice names -- rather than those cold numbers that will only remind them of their lost positions. And then once a year we'll shave off their woolly little clothes so they can frolic comfortably in the warm Ohio meadows.

Imagine how happy they'll be! Nude sheep grazing in the fields, content in the knowledge that their clothes are going to make somebody cosy warm each winter. Perhaps they'll become a soft baby blanket for a newborn in Alaska. Or a knit pant suit for a Senator in New York. Their coats could become a hand-made scarf for a new President to wear to a swearing in ceremony. Or even a set of golf club covers or a pretty, felted gun strap for the M-16 of the newly elected Vice-President...whomever it may be.

The Serta sheep might even end up becoming part of the Afghans for Afghans charity that sends warm blankets to those people in Afghanistan. Wouldn't that be nice?

When you really think about it, there's no end to the goodness that could come from the Serta Sheep's fleeces.

If you, and the Ontario Teachers Association that owns you (and who I hold responsible for any grammatical errors in this post), would be kind enough to send the Serta sheep our way, we promise we'll take excellent care of them...even if we do remove their clothes on occasion.

Best regards,

1 comment:

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