Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Woohoo! Goodbye everyone! I'm retiring!

When I lost my 401K in the Internet Bubble I was miffed. And when I lost what little I'd regained over the years in the Banking Bubble, I wasn't happy at all. As a matter of fact, I was totally bummed out. Sure, I had a few ounces of gold I'd tucked away in the 70s when it as worth $1000 an ounce. And now, 40 years later it's sky-rocketed up to...oh...about $1400. On the surface it looks like a 40% increase over the past forty years, but if you account for inflation I've lost maybe half my investment. I guess I shouldn't whine. Based on the market activity of the past decade, losing half is almost like breaking even.

Little did I know that hanging on the wall of my house, neatly displayed in an old printer's type drawer, was my future on the beach with Renaldo.

Yes, my friends, I've hit the motherlode. I have a stash of Wade figurines that were given out for free in boxes of Red Rose Tea in Canada. Oh, you jest...but get this: they're actually worth something now.

Alex, who is not known for his stock trading acumen, told me to throw out those dusty little bits of china that have spent the last 20 years on the wall of a room I recently redecorated. But because I'm a packrat AND a cheapskate, I decided to find out if the goofy little things are worth anything.

I'll be darned...I'm rich!

Every one of those little figurines has a value of $16.00. Sure, you can buy them on sale on the Red Rose site for a mere $9.95...but their REAL value is 16 bucks apiece. Canadian dollars, I'll bet. And today the Canadian dollar is worth $1.015. That's almost two cents more than the US dollar! Heaves to mergatroid, I'm a gazillionaire.

I've got:
2 Hickory Dickory Dock
2 Cat and the Fiddle
2 House that Jack Built
2 Pied Piper
2 Jacks of Jack and Jill
2 Jills of Jack and Jill
1 Baa Baa Black Sheep
1 Doctor Foster
1 Little Red Riding Hood
2 Little Boy Blue
1 Little Bo Peep
1 Old Lady Who Lived in a Shoe
1 Kid with Candle who ran through the town (Sorry...I forget...)
1 Three Bears
1 Little Miss Muffett
1 Little Jack Horner

That's 23 in total. That's $368! Canadian dollars! That's $373.52 in cold, hard (but getting softer) US cash. Well, it'll be cash if anyone wants to buy it from me.

Sure, Alex scoffs at my new found retirement fund. But I look at it this way: Let's say I paid an extra penny for my tea when I bought it (to pay for my FREE Wade Figurine). That's a 23 cent investment that's now worth $373.52. That's sixteen times my investment!

So, as soon my phone rings and there's some person on the other end who's willing to exchange their money for my figurines, I'm outta here.

Remember ladies and gents, when the economy is tanking and you can't trust the dollar anymore, invest in Red Rose Tea Wade figurines. They'll not only double or triple in value, if you wait long enough you could earn SIXTEEN TIMES your investment. And imagine the pride you'll have when you exchange your Little Jack Horner for the dream house you've always wanted. And your Puss 'n Boots becomes a brand new Ferrari. Sell your Baa Baa Black Sheep and you could admire what remains of your set when it hangs on the wall of your luxury villa in Tuscany! Invest now. Operators are standing by!

NOTE COLLECTOR'S OF THESE TIMELESS TREASURES: I've also got a girl with a pig and one that looks like a blue duck. I couldn't find them on the Red Rose Tea site. Maybe they're rare, priceless, much sought-after Wade figurines.

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