Advice you're never supposed to give.

My step-daughter, Laura, is always asking for advice. She's very curious (hurray!) and loves to absorb knowledge -- from what to plant in her New Jersey garden to how to find spiritual enlightment. Currently, she's learning to navigate the stormy waters of corporate America so she now asks about the business world in addition to all her other questions. A while back I shared with Laura some little lessons I’ve learned along the way. She asked if I could write them down for her, so I thought maybe I'd share them with you. I'd really love it if you could add to them so Laura and I can learn from your experiences, as well.

Several years ago, I attended a seminar entitled, “Managing Stress.” It was taught by Michael Douglas, a psychologist who also worked with the Columbus city police. He’d been invited by my employer, CompuServe, to speak to us and it wasn’t until many years later that I realized how lucky I was to work for a company that invested in the education and betterment of their staff. I learned so much through the courses offered by CompuServe's HR department – thanks to people like Judy Reinhart, Berry Berkov and John Meier – that I will forever be grateful to them.

I was so impressed by what Dr. Michael Douglas told us sometime in the 1990s that I wrote down some key points that I carried with me in my binder from job to job. Here are my "Lessons learned from Michael Douglas" Many, many thanks to him for sharing his insights with a know-it-all thirty-something in the 90s.

1. Don’t accept stress. Dr. Douglas said that the course was mis-named. If you’re “managing stress” you’ve already let it in and you’re now trying to deal with it. Don’t let it in. You don’t have to accept all the crap that people unburden on you.
2. Be where you are. If you’re standing in a line up at the bank, don’t be worrying that you’ve got to go to the drug store, the grocery store and the cleaners. Be where you are. Accept it. Enjoy it. I think this has gained in importance as cell phone usage has increased. It seems that no one is content with being where they are. They want to be with someone…anyone…because they can’t stand the thought of simply being alone with only their own thoughts to keep them company. If you’re a fan of Eckhart Tolle, this will resonate with you. (Dr. Douglas told us this long before Tolle wrote his books.)
3. Lower your expectations. If you’re constantly being disappointed by people, you’re expecting too much of them. Make sure that your expectations are in alignment with what people can do. Don't set them up for failure.
Don’t set yourself up for disappointment.
4. Believe that everyone is doing their best. Nobody is intentionally trying to screw up. Everyone’s doing the best they can…under the circumstances. If you believe this about people, you’ll be far more understanding and charitable toward them. (Again, Tolle would likely agree.)

Those four little reminders have helped me more times than I can count. “Be where you are” is probably the one I refer to most often, and I’m surprised by how many self-help/spiritual authors also try to teach this message. Be where you are. Don’t be dredging up hurts from the past to torture yourself with guilt or feelings of diminishment. Be where you are. Look around. The world is beautiful. Enjoy it. Be where you are. You’re exactly where you’re supposed to be. If you’re in pain, learn from it. If you’re feeling ecstasy, be thankful for it.

Okay…now here are some of my own little bits of advice I’ve offered Laura in the past. Maybe you’ll want to share them with someone you love.

5. Be an adult. You’re now in charge of your life. Your childhood is over, so get over whatever disappointments it might have brought you. Stop blaming parents, teachers, siblings. Grow up and take charge of your own life.
6. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Most people are very kind. Don’t be afraid to say, “I need help. Would you be able to help me?” You’ll be surprised that people will go out of their way to assist you.
7. Ask how. For years I sat in meeting after meeting making requests and being told, “No! We can't do that!” Then it finally hit me. Don’t ask, “Can we…?” Instead ask, “How can we…?” That one word “how” packs a lot of punch.
8. Say thanks. If you’re going to complain, learn to compliment. I’m the first person to write a letter when I think I’ve been mis-treated as a customer. And I’m also the first person to write a letter commending a staff member when I feel I’ve been treated well.
9. Make people smile. Be goofy, or complimentary, or helpful. Assume that everyone you see is carrying around an enormous sack of pain. Lighten it a bit. Go out of your way to be nice to people. You’ll feel good about yourself...and you just might do someone else a great deal of good.
10. Acknowledge and accept what you feel. If you’re sad, acknowledge it and embrace it. There are many, many times when you should feel sad. If you weren’t sad, you’d be a heartless monster. But make sure you know the difference between well-deserved sadness and clinical depression. Depression will consume you. It will convince you that you’ve never had a happy day in your life. Get help.
11. Accept that you’re not perfect. Admit your mistakes and apologize for them. Sincerely apologize! Don’t try to blame others or share responsibility for the mistake with them. If you expect yourself to be perfect, you’re going to spend a life of bitter disappointment. (See “Lower your expectations.”)
12. Don’t hurt people on purpose. This is just plain mean. And if you should happen to hear something ugly about someone, don’t feel compelled to pass it along to them. Instead, stop it from spreading to others. An insult is still an insult even if you preface it with, “I heard someone say that you’re a…”
13. Don’t think you’re all that hot. You need only enough ego to survive. Anything more than that can work against you. If you’re constantly telling yourself or others how great you are, you probably aren’t that wonderful.
14. Be you. You are not the brands you buy. You are not the car you drive. You are not the celebrity you worship. If you think you are, your sense of self is out of alignment. (Or, as St. Ignatius would say you have “inordinate affections.”) Get in touch with yourself or get therapy.
15. Be quiet. The world is a noisy place. Think of what it must have sounded like before the Industrial Revolution. Birds chirping. Wind blowing through the trees. These are the sounds of nature. Take out the earplugs. Turn off the TV. Enjoy the quiet. Ahhh… (Now you know why I take vacations at monasteries.)
16. Be curious. Read. Think. Ask questions. Explore. Learn. Act. Life is not about "having." It's about "doing."
17. Be courageous. I'm a scaredy cat. Really. And there's nothing I hate more than heights. But a couple of weeks before my 50th birthday I walked out onto a little platform, high above a river at the Kawarua Bridge in New Zealand where bungee jumping was invented. I was scared to death. Trembling. But I stood out on that platform, raised my arms and did a swan dive deep into the chasm below. I have never been so frightened in my life. And I've never felt so alive. I can't tell you how good it feels to overcome absolute terror.

Well, that's my list. I hope you'll add to it!

Fantastic news! Our fabulous Nicky Epstein pattern with Aslan Trends and Namaste Farms yarns is now available!

We've been so excited about this project that we could hardly wait to get it online. And Stef has just told me that it's up and running and you can now obtain it for FREE on Yarnmarket.com.

It's the gorgeous "Andean Jacket" by Nicky Epstein. She used Aslan Trends Del Sur and Royal Alpaca yarns for the main body and then trimmed it with the exquisite Charmed yarn from Namaste Farms.

The jacket is big and cosy and unbelievably soft and warm. Sure, you might not be thinking about autumn this minute...but as soon as the nights begin to get cool again, you'll want to have this jacket. I think it's a great summer project to work on. Don't you?

I'd love to know your thoughts on this piece. It's the first time we've collaborated with Nicky, Aslan Trends and Namaste Farms. Should we do more together?

Yarn is More than Yarn. Guest Blog by Jackie Awerman

Today, I'm delighted to share with you an article written by one of our very loyal, and extremely talented, Yarnmarket shoppers. Jackie Awerman is a very creative knitter who has been delighting us with her stories for years. When I spoke to her a couple of weeks ago, I suggested she might want to write a little blog item for us.

Jackie did more than that! She also sent me a pretty little purse she'd knit. She calls it the Kokoro No Te (which in Japanese is a thank you). For those who'd like to know more about her, Jackie calls herself a Knitting therapist & story teller (cantadora). She is the Creator of Knit2Quit© and Knit ‘n Nosh© fundraisers and A founding momma of Cactus Needles Knitting Guild, TKGA, Phoenix, Arizona. USA.

If you'd like to support Jackie's many, many efforts to help others through knitting, please contact her at yarndances at yahoo dot you-know-what.

I hope you enjoy Jackie's story as much as I'm enjoying her gift!

Yarn has always been more than yarn for me… it’s my paint…my delight in texture…my passion for color…my view of the world… my yarn fairy’s naughty sister’s challenging tangles …my material for sharing love and joy with family and friends. Then there come the times — and lately, they are coming all too frequently — when I turn to yarn to try to express comfort and compassion for our global family caught in sadness, in misfortune, in epic disasters.

Recently, it was tornadoes in the Carolinas; then it was the earthquake and tsunami in Japan followed by tornadoes in Alabama and other southern states. And Yikes! Floods! The Mississippi has gone over the top.

When I say that, “I turn to yarn,” that’s not just me… not just my heart. And thanks to Yarnmarket, it’s not just “my yarn!” There are people passionately knitting and crocheting their prayers into blankies and accessories for those hit hardest.

I want to share a secret with you: What thrills me the most is what recipients have had to say…the delivery angels have told me that the hear things like,“This is so special. The yarn is so soft,””I am overwhelmed that someone did so much work to give this to me,”or ”I feel so blessed to have something handmade after losing everything my mother and grandmother made for me." And that is KOKORO NO TE straight into my heart.


If you'd like to knit one of Jackie's Kokoro No Te change purses, you can find the pattern on Yarnmarket.

Learn all about our newest yarns in Jan's latest Yarnmarket Bulletin

Jan just released her May Yarnmarket Bulletin featuring lots of new yarns plus new colors from Noro, Tahki, Fiesta, Debbie Bliss, Prism, Gedifra, Jojoland & Anny Blatt. She's also included the latest fashion trends in new warm-weather hues, and new projects for your summer wardrobe.

In this issue, you'll also want to learn about terrific new books, patterns, tools, magazines and more to inspire you! Be sure to read your copy, and if you don't subscribe you can read the bulletin online.

This is love.

Our airplane was late arriving in Charlotte, NC on Saturday when we were on our way home from Paris so we missed our connection to Columbus. After some discussion with the clerk at US Airways, we were given a coupon to cover a night at a local hotel.

The discussion went like this:

Clerk: Here's a discount coupon for a hotel in Charlotte.
Me: I thought you would pay for our hotel.
Clerk: Why should we?
Me: Because it was your airline that made us miss our connection.
Clerk: What makes you think that?
Me: The fact that our flight was almost an hour late and we weren't even out of Customs by the time the gate to our connection had closed.
Clerk: I don't know why your flight was an hour late.
Me: Neither do I. But it's why we missed our connection. I think you're supposed to cover our hotel.
Clerk: I have to check on that.
MANY, MANY LONG MINUTES LATER...AFTER SEVERAL PHONE CALLS AND LOTS OF LOOKING AT A COMPUTER MONITOR.
Clerk: We don't know why the flight was late.
Me: Neither do I. But it made us miss our connection.
Clerk: I have to speak to my manager.
MANY, MANY LONG MINUTES LATER.
Clerk: We don't know why your flight was late.
Me: Neither do I. But it made us miss our connection.
MANY, MANY MINUTES LATER.
Clerk: Here's a coupon for a hotel.
Me: Thanks.

Not riveting. But a good example of how airlines like to make you squirm a lot, and become a little bit stubborn, to get what they really do owe you.

Oh, yes...they gave us each a $10 voucher for dinner. I wonder if the CEO of US Airways can eat dinner at a hotel for $10?

Anyway, we got to the airport, ate a meal, and went to bed so we could be up at 4:00 a.m. to get to the airport by 6:00 a.m. for our 7:36 a.m. flight.

But before I went to bed, I had to wash out some underwear. I'd planned for 7 nights away. Not 8. And that meant I was short a pair...and you know how I am about underwear. Obsessed. I think it should be a Federal Law that everybody wear underpants...and there I was -- woefully, and almost criminally, short a pair.

I washed some out and hung them up to dry.

When I awoke in the morning, Alex had already showered and announced to me, "Your underpants aren't dry yet."

But knowing how I am about underpants, he added, "I'll take care of it."

Imagine how elated I was when I got out of my shower, and he was standing there holding a hairdryer in one hand, blasting hot air at the enormous underpants he held up in the other. They flapped madly as he diligently blasted ever inch of them.

Yes. That's love.

Any guy who'll dry your underpants with a hairdryer while you're in the shower is a keeper.

Enjoy the new fashions featured in Jan's May Yarnmarket Newsletter

Yesterday, Jan sent out her May newsletter to Yarnmarket shoppers and we know you'll want to have a look at it if you don't already subscribe. She shows lots of fantastic patterns that are going to be big hits this season...and she gives a great rundown of what's happening on the fashion runways of the world.

You can read the Yarnmarket Newsletter here.

Jan also reminds everyone that Mother's Day is moving up quickly on us and if you haven't already ordered a gift you can still buy a Yarnmarket Gift Certificate online. The best part is that it can be delivered immediately! No muss, no fuss. Always the right size and perfect color!

Have a wonderful Mother's Day. Alex and I are off to Paris to see the new Anny Blatt collection. I'll be sure to write about it online when I return.

Weekend Wildlife Adventure

Alex and I have been working in the yard this weekend to prepare it for summer. There's a lot of weeding and planting to do before mulch season begins. I hate mulch season. We typically buy about 90 bags of the stuff and I'm covered head-to-toe in mulch until we've finished all the beds. This will teach us for trying to grow our own Garden of Eden.

Alex got a couple of really great shots of critters living in our yard. Yesterday he caught a photo of the kit and today he got the Pileated Woodpecker. The kit is really sweet and playful. He has two siblings and they frolic together like puppies. There are two adult fox parents who guard over them. When you get close, they make a funny little yipping noise and then try to head you off in another direction away from their babies. I'm not crazy about having foxes because they're bad news for the squirrels, bunnies, chipmunks and groundhogs in the yard. (I saw two groundhogs climb trees on Friday. I didn't even knot they could do that!)

Mr. Pileated has been in our yard for a while and we can always tell when he's around by the rat-a-tat-a-tat in the forest. Isn't he beautiful? We put suet in the bird feeder for him. The other morning I filled up a few of the feeders closer to the house and I was shocked to see four different birds having breakfast together at the same time! There was a European Starling, Cardinal, sparrow and finch.

Gotta run. Alex has lost something and I have to find it. I think I spend most of my free time trying to find things he's lost. Anyone who's ever had a husband knows exactly what I mean.